Trashy Cats (2)

This continues a 3 part series on trashy cats guest written by husband. I take no responsibility for the opinions expressed in this guest editorial. Please direct any hate mail or other correspondence to him.

For those of you that haven’t sent hate mail, and can take some more negative cat publicity …

One fine day, I had procured (as a good husband) the delineated list of food items on my way home from work. I brought a couple baked chickens, which are a great part of living here. They come right off the spit, seasoned, cooked and ready to eat. When I got home, the aroma was intoxicating, and we were all getting hungry! After placing the chickens and other foodstuffs on the counter, I left the room to use the facilities.

Shortly after, I heard a scream as Apricot Lady passed by the kitchen and witnessed a trashy cat infiltrate the house through the window, pick up a baked chicken whole in its jaw and snarl as it defended it’s 'kill'. As I came back in the kitchen there was a tug of war going on between feline and female, as the cat was trying to weasel the chicken carcass out between the bars of the window. Needless to say, the cat won, and our chicken was strewn in bits all over the counter and floor. The cat finally scampered away when it saw it was outnumbered, and out-volumed by the screams of my distraught wife.

The thought of any animal walking around inside my house, especially on my kitchen counter, let alone one who spends most of its life in a dumpster, walking in trash, makes my stomach turn. That very night, I went out with my smallish son and bought a couple plastic BB guns, which we quickly acquainted ourselves with as defenders of our homestead.

The cat gets points in my book for bravery, cunning, and boldness. I must admit, if I were in his shoes, I’d take the risk for a bite of juicy fresh cooked chicken, given most my meals come from trash. However, it is just further proof that cats are a scourge on humankind, the worst kind of moochers. That cat actually thought it was entitled to our chicken, looking at the world as if we existed for it! I think most cats look at life this way.

I hate cats.

A brief note from Apricot Lady: I have three things to say:

1. Is there no end to the defilement of my kitchen?

2. Thank you blog readers who are giving names to our trashy cats! I will now call the trashy cat posted in our last post 'Hitler'. He is on my porch EVERY morning.

3. This is when I knew the cat conquest had gone too far! So disturbing for a mother.