Trashy Cats (1)

I’ve asked my husband to guest write a short series on cats (really, he begged me to let him do it). I take no responsibility for the opinions expressed in this guest editorial, but do find it quite amusing!

Thank you to my dear wife for giving me complete editorial freedom on this series. I’ve decided it’s time to speak out about trashy cats.

Though many of you may enjoy furry felines as pets in your homes, even consider them part of your family, here in our neck of the desert, felines are trash. Well, litterally (pun intended) cats here live on our trash. They are inbred, awful fur balls that solely exist because of our refuse. Even worse, they are mostly genetically mutated aliens many with 3 legs, mangy fur, misplaced eyes, bitten off ears and missing tails. Cats here are not pleasant. My hilarious wife often refers to them as ‘suicide bombers’. There are cat turf wars over neighborhood trash bins that many times attract a crowd. They try to intimidate small children, who mostly run or throw rocks. One cat that came around our neighborhood had a set of jaws that gave me the shivers. I don’t know who its father was, but I suspect the mommy snuck off to the zoo on more than one occasion.

There are two sounds that are prevalent in the streets where we live: The call to prayer… on time, five times a day and seven times throughout Ramadan … and cats. Through the night we often hear wailing and whining that can only mean one of two things… either they’re fighting over last night’s dinner scraps and dumpster rights, or they’re in the process of making more genetically inbred evil mutants. The other night, it was the later, right outside our bedroom window. I had to politely, albeit with some embarrassment, shoo them away well after midnight.

I must confess I don’t like cats much. Moving here has only inflamed that passion, passed on to me by my father who instilled in me a displeasure for cats early on. This is one of my favorite You-Tubes:

Though there were rumors Ford was lambasted by PETA for this series of commercials on the Sportka… I applaud their bold stance and I am sure no animal was really harmed in the making.

This series will continue shortly with a couple stories that I just find disturbing regarding the bold nature and wily ways of felines in our sandbox. I think by next week, you’ll join my deep seething displeasure for trashy cats. Bob Barker…come help us control the pet population!