Hope Floats…And So Does Poop…In My Kitchen

FROM THE ARCHIVES

There are a lot of different features in houses in the Middle East.

I will name a few...please note, these details are important for the story that follows:

· toilet paper cannot be flushed

· floors are marble and counter tops are granite (it’s the cheapest building supply – even the sidewalk curbs are made of marble)

· ‘houses’ are in apartment buildings usually eight family units in each building

· to hang a picture on the wall a drill is necessary because everything is made of concrete

· most apartments are long and skinny, each room is stacked behind the next, the floor plans are not really open

· a guard lives in the basement of most buildings, he does the maintenance and helps the tenants, takes out the trash, washes the cars, etc.

But the thing I love most about houses here is that each bathroom and kitchen has its own floor drain. It was actually an idea my dad came up with when my sister and I were babies. He wanted to have access to a hose and drain in the kitchen for clean up purposes. His brilliant invention is very prevalent here. If you need to clean the floors, you just dump a bucket of soapy water on the floor, use a squeegee to spread it around and send it down the drain.

The floor drains are also very useful if you decide to have a big water fight and totally douse your kids. I love that part!

Floor drains were on the top of my list of ‘great features’ until one day.

It was evening.

My family and I were having popcorn and watching a movie in our family room. I sent my smallish son into the kitchen to get some more salt for the popcorn. He came out very casually, handed me the salt and sat down. Then, very nonchalantly mentioned:

“There is poop floating in the kitchen.”

I giggled at what he said; wondering what had been dropped on the floor that would remind him of a little poop laying on the floor. I figured I better go see. I rounded the corner and to my horror, there WAS POOP floating, really floating ALL OVER my kitchen as it bubbled and bubbled up out of the kitchen floor drain. I ran to our door and yelled to our guard in the basement: "Mustafa! Come quick and bring a squeegee!”

Mustafa, (the best building guard in the entire city) came running and went to work. The main sewer pipe for the entire building was in the wall right outside our kitchen. It had backed up and therefore anytime someone turned water on, flushed, or sent something down any drain in the entire apartment building it pushed more poop/sewage up into our kitchen drain and therefore onto our kitchen floor. My clean, safe, happy kitchen floor. Now, forever defiled in my mind!

Mustafa, (the best building guard in the entire city) ran out the back door, tore off the main sewer cover and plunged his hands into the mess to unclog the drain. Once he quickly got that dirty job done, he ran into the kitchen and helped us push everything back down the floor drain. I was manning the small threshold between the kitchen and the rest of our house trying to keep the poop at bay by placing any towel I could find to create a dam. A poop dam. That is a fun phrase.

I did a lot of disinfecting from that day forth (and in fact until we left that nice apartment) and found it hard to cook in our kitchen for quite some time.

Mustafa (the best building guard in the entire city) became my hero that day...until forever. Here he is showing sheep to my smallish daughter.

I am very leery of floor drains now. Just the other day, I walked into the kitchen and saw this…oh my, what is lurking down there honey? At least he is using grocery bags instead of bare hands. I think I will invest in very thick rubber gloves!