Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Job Posting

If anyone is feeling depressed about the unemployment situation in the States, I have a great job opportunity here for you. The only job requirement is that you have a limited understanding and knowledge of the English language. Simple huh?

You see, the problem around here is everyone wants their menus and store signs and promotional materials in English, but very few have a complete grasp of the English language. I've collected a few examples for you just so you know what your job would entail:

Store Front Signs
New Yourk Nigt Club
Rest and Pup (restaurant and pub)
Shobben Mool (shopping mall)
Hair Saloon (salon)

Hotel Lobby
We are pleased to provide your hostage (?)


Grocery Store Signs
Ass Juices on Sale (assorted)
Prokle (broccoli)
Egplant Big Sht (I have no idea)
Multi-Green Bread (grain)
White Beaches (white peaches)


Menu Items
Fried Brian (brain)
Gordon Blue (cordon bleu)
rape and mint (grape and mint)
Salad with Herpes Dressing (herb dressing)
Roasted Aborigines (aubergines which is eggplant)
Chicken Boob (chicken poppers)

Grocery Store Promotions Gone Wrong
Baby diapers bundled with Maxi Pads for a special price (TMI!)
Clorox wipes nicely placed in baby wipes section (ouch!)
Painted in store front window: SALE! ALL ITEMS 0% - 50% OOF (I'd like to find the rack that is 0% oof...what a deal!)

So if you are interested in this job, please send applications my way.

I will try to rent you a FURNICHED FILLA (furnished villa) for you at 0% oof.

1 comment:

  1. Ok. I just got a note from school about this reallly important evaluation they are having of the school. It is all very formal and they had several parents meetings about it. They really wanted to express in both languages that they wanted feedback from the parents, so as they are signing off they right, "Your opinion values." I am still trying to figure out how my opinion became it's own entity...I bet there's a science fiction story somewhere about that and if there isn't, there should be. Maybe the guy who wrote Inception did something about that! Wow! That was a rabbit trail.

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