I Butchered Arabic

Arabic is a tricky language. I was getting pretty good (i.e. only embarrassed myself about a dozen times a day), then we moved back to the States. Now that we are back in the Middle East, it was time to brush up again and just dive in. As foreigners, we are warned early on of the common mistakes foreigners make with the language. Of course, being the on-top-of-things, totally together kind of gal I am, I vowed from the start to NEVER make those 'dumb' mistakes.

Today, I made the most common mistake any foreigner could make.

I have no pride left.

This is how it all played out…

Me: Peace be on you!

Butcher: And on you! How can I help you?

Me: Can you cut two chickens into pieces for me and put them on two plates?

Personal thought: Wow! That was good! You’re remembering a lot!

Butcher: No problem.

Personal thought: I need beef. Is this beef? How much is 1 kilo in pounds? I hate metric!

Butcher: Here is your chicken. Anything else?

Me: Yes, is this (pointing) cow meat or lamb meat?

Butcher: This is cow.

Personal thought: Man, I am doing good!

WARNING: This is where it gets graphic!

Me: I would like underwear.

Butcher: [Big smile and big chuckle.] Do you mean two kilo?

Me: [Pretending I did not just ask the man for underwear. ] Oh, yes!

Personal thought: I am such a dork foreigner!

Me: Could you grind it and put it on two plates?

Personal thought: Did that make me sound better?

Personal thought: Doubt it…I just asked the butcher for underwear! How will I recover?

Butcher: [Still with large smile.] Here is your beef. Anything else?

Personal thought: Can I have my dignity back?

Me: No, thank you. God give you strength.

Butcher: And give you strength as well!

Personal thought: I would like God to erase this moment from history!

After that, I have started shopping at a different butcher.

Some day, I will have to tell of the time I called my husband a chicken in front of a large crowd of people. What is it with me and meat words?